During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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