addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
