shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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