my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
