I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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