you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
