i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
