so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
