I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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