His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
