Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
