Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
