Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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