Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
