I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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