I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
