You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
