all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
