i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
