How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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