I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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