So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
