i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
