this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
