I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
