if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
