some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
