I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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