Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we made out on top of his cat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
