You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
