I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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