my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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