After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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