yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
