my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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