Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
