Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
