i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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