Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
