I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
