it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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