it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
