??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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