Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
