He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
