MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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