You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
