I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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