I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
