I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
